Updated: Jan 25
Finding Your Home Between Your Comfort Zone & Ambition
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Often introverts spend many languishing years if not decades striving to find our comfort zone, our place where we can embrace our true self with confidence. There, we have shed the negative stereotypes of introversion, we've found our strengths, and we are applying them at work and at home.
We no longer hide our unique qualities, we are proud of them. Furthermore, we can monitor and manage our energy level and take our personal breaks when we need to in order to complete our day without running on empty. We are happy with who we have become. We relish our own private time, perhaps even going out to eat or a movie alone, with a smile of confidence on our faces.
In the Five Phases of Introversion I highlighted for World Introvert Day '22, I call the fourth phase Contentment. Some reach this phase in their twenties but most of us wander a bit until finding this tranquility in our 40s or later. My hope is the blogs, quizzes, books, and resources at Beyond Introversion and elsewhere will help accelerate this journey for you. Nothing commands you to wait to find Contentment.
Nothing requires you to move beyond, to the fifth phase of introversion, either. Yet I do believe many introverts are quite ambitious; I suspect more so than some of our fellow extroverts. After all, we must be driven to dodge our own personal demons not to mention the extroverted culture most of us live and work in. Thus, we introverts do indeed have to be driven to survive and thrive in the given society around us. Despite the doubts of others and often our own introspective minds, we do succeed.
So once we achieve Contentment, it should be no surprise we eye the next phase, Flourishing, with zeal and likely some natural trepidation.
Flourishing is when we combine our skills and newfound confidence in who we are with our dreams and ambitions to stretch our comfort zone and grow further, often at personal risk and discomfort. Yet many of us do this just as we have battled and driven forward all our lives.
Suddenly, in Contentment, some of our dreams previously reserved for the gregarious socialites and commanding work leaders appear attainable to us. We realize our authentic strengths and hard-fought confidence can get us there.
Yet, we are tempted to relax and enjoy our newfound peace. Questions swirl through our heads:
Can't I just enjoy my Contentment?
Should I relax or push forward?
How do I stretch if I do want to go further?
And how do I know when I've pushed enough?
CAN'T I JUST ENJOY MY CONTENTMENT?
Absolutely! We can certainly revel in our happy place. We live in a MORE society, but moderation is the key to sustainable joy. Enhancing our authenticity and finding long-sought comfort is a great reward. Use your positive self-talk to celebrate with yourself and with your inner circle. Such self-actualization is very elusive for most people. You are the envy of many. Enjoy who you are and what you do. Relax, exhale, and smile!
HOW DO I KNOW IF I SHOULD RELAX OR PUSH FORWARD?
This is a great time to do a bit of pros/cons analysis. What might you chase? Perhaps you now want to be a team leader or an advocate for others at work or in the community.
Who are you chasing this dream for?
Why do you yearn for more?
What is the reward for the journey and for success?
What might the costs be? More stress and tension?
Will you have regrets if you don't try?
So, now you can choose to either relish in your Contentment, embrace your comfort zone and wear it with pride. That is perfectly fine. We should enjoy our successful journey and reap our own rewards. Or, perhaps you are ready to stretch kindly.
IF I WANT TO STRETCH FURTHER, HOW?
If you've determined there is a dream worth chasing, pack your bags. Bring your positive mindset, your self-compassion, all the strengths you have embraced and cultivated, along with your patience and fortitude, and stretch kindly. I don't advocate 'leaping' out of your comfort zone, but for 'stretching' your comfort zone. As described in the Growth Rings Model, small incremental steps are easier, build skills and confidence, and best set you up for success.
For example, if you want to get your message out to many, you don't have to immediately pursue a keynote speaker gig. Speak to a few familiar faces (Neighborhood Ring), try podcasts and medium-size groups (Adventure Ring), and with success and extended comfort, you may try larger groups or keynote speaking (Frontier Ring) later.
HOW DO I KNOW WHEN I'M DONE?
This path may be rapid, paced over years, or one in which you decide a midpoint quenches your thirst and further stretching is more overwhelming than you'd like. Perfectly fine.
Gauge yourself along the way. Have you achieved your goals? Have your answers to the bulleted questions above changed? Are you still excited or now exhausted from your journey?
Are you still chasing your dream? By all means, confirm you want to continue this path for YOU. If you are doing this for another, either because someone else thinks you should or because you see others who have done it and that spurs the chase, stop! This drive must come from within. You must want it and want to continue for yourself. If that is no longer the case, you are likely sacrificing something - your time, money, or comfort for a goal that is not your own.
Celebrate Good Times
Celebrate your efforts and your new skills and accomplishments. Stop looking further afield when your ambitions have been fulfilled.
Guard against gauging your success and happiness by the benchmarks of others. Lean on your introspective nature and revel in achieving your own goals and doing it your way. That is true success.
During our life's journey, we may have often been our own worst critics but along the way to Contentment, we've become our best cheerleaders, encouraging ourselves and celebrating our efforts and successes. Now, whether in Contentment or Flourishing, we must remain our biggest advocate for true happiness and joy.
Whichever path you choose, go in peace!
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The Questions Introverts Ponder
The Answers Extroverts Need to Hear
Introversion often feels so alone and many of us assume no one else could feel this way. Contained in this book are many of the questions that have been asked, often by introverts trying to understand this personality trait that can at times govern our lives.
I also hear from many introverts struggling to share their introversion with family, friends, and co-workers, either out of fear or just not having the words. I hope this booklet may also help to educate others to better understand the many strengths and talents we have to share.
I hope you will find this booklet an informative read and reference book with a splash of light-heartedness and inspiration as well. I invite you to start with the questions you are most curious about and share from there.
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Guest Blogger Maxime Legace is an inspirational leader who will share his story and encouragement on a special release on Monday, January 17th.
I will be acquiring a new left knee 🦴 next week but will return on January 26th with a new blog😊, Views of a Broken Man Who Just Scraped 🔪By 😅. Have a wonderful week!