Updated: Jul 8, 2020
All those terms swirling around in my head. It can be dizzying. After addressing the Thesaurus BS in last week's blog, now it's time to tackle some definitions. Definitions can be dangerous. But they can help us to understand ourselves more clearly, a critical step for us to embrace our true selves and go Beyond Introversion.
I will preface by saying I am NOT a doctor or therapist. But having many of these traits and enjoying this broad community, along with conducting a bit of online research, please grant me some space to lead this tour. Some of these terms may be new to you. So let's explore them together.
INTROVERSION: Many will define introversion as getting energy from within or from being alone as opposed to extroverts who get energy from the interface and social situations. I can certainly relate to this definition but I think it's deeper than that.
I love my alone time and I do get energy. I find this to be the most creative and productive time for me. Planning, dreaming, learning. But it can also be the most dangerous time. Left alone too long, I can also sink into intense introspective hyper-analysis. Why did I do that? Why can't I socialize? Why can't I be as confident as that person? My head can be swirling as contemplation turns to condemnation. Thinking inwardly is our jam but can be our arsenic. We must be cautious to moderate our introspection and practice Positive Self Talk.
But I also enjoy social time. For me, it depends on the situation. I have more energy to interface with family and close friends. I've discovered I'm especially comfortable when I arrange the social events myself. I think it's a "home turf" thing. Maybe because I chose the theme or occasion, the food and entertainment, the attendees, and the venue? As the host, I can engage with people on stimulating topics often of my choosing and also take breaks to cook food or escape to a back room to reenergize. But even those most comfortable of situations wear thin and as my battery drains, my energy noticeably evaporates. It's like I can sense when the social switch goes off and the countdown is on! And if I'm not the organizer, my energy drains in a fraction of that time. All good things come to an end. I relax with a book, writing, TV...ahhh, solitude. From one good thing to another. Click here to read more about Introversion from Susan Cain, who brought introversion into public view with her Quiet Revolution.
SHY: Shyness is different from introversion. While Introversion is one's preference for solitude, shy people can be afraid to be with others. As with introversion, this is not black and white. I am shy in large social situations where I don't know anyone. I do realize now it's not just that I want to have my alone time, it is that I fear these unfamiliar social situations. I doubt my ability to enter and maintain conversations. I loathed conferences with large cocktail hours when I worked. It literally drove me to drink as seemingly my only and obvious coping mechanism for such events. Most of my reading on this subject indicates shyness stems from low self-confidence or self-esteem. I can relate to that. While introversion seems to be a part of our DNA, shyness can be managed, at least to some extent, by practice and by improving our own self-confidence and self-image. It doesn't mean we'll become the gregarious life of the party as we are still introverts, but easing shyness can help us feel less anxious and able to use limited social situations as a source of enjoyment and networking. Click here to read more about Shyness in Psychology Today.
HSP (HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSON): This term is often used alongside introversion. Yet it is different. Being highly sensitive can be both physically and emotionally demanding. HSPs can be very sensitive to loud noise or crowded rooms, having an intense need to remove themselves. They can also be sensitive to other people's comments or feelings. As with introverts, HSPs may ingest comments which shake them to their core. Common thought is HSP is innate or inborn, sort of like our DNA. It cannot necessarily be "overcome" but skills can be developed to avoid some situations and cope best with emotions, much like introversion. I actually enjoy loud music (typically classic Rock 'n Roll, not the more violent, headbanging stuff of today😵 ). I don't like crowds but don't tend to get shaken by such environments as others. Click here to read more about HSP from Dr. Elaine Aron, the recognized guru for HSPs.